In Which Mr Headstone Composes An Invitation and Mr Snodgrass Gives His Opinion Of The Same

It being the express wish of all members of the Charles Dickens Anniversary Society (CDAS) that a celebration dinner be held on the seventh of February at The George and Vulture, it fell upon Mr Headstone, as General Chairman of said society, to compose a letter of invitation to the author. And so the pedagogue sat at his writing desk, seeking inspiration by chewing on the end of his pen and staring into the yellow eyes of the stuffed owl that he was wont to set before him as a promoter of sagacity whenever he embarked on a literary venture. Desirous of composing a missive worthy of its recipient, Mr Headstone expended voluminous quantities of ink and paper on his endeavour, and consumed half a dozen hot buttered crumpets by way of sustenance.

After some several hours of toil upon the lower slopes of Parnassus, the pedagogue had completed the task to his satisfaction, and asked Mr Snodgrass, who had conveniently chosen to call at that very moment, to give his opinion of it. That gentleman was still recovering from the shock he had received when Mr Headstone, on opening the door in response to his double knock, had presented a visage which appeared to exhibit the advanced stages of a mortifying disease. Having been assured by the pedagogue that the blueness of his lips was the result of nothing more serious than a leaky pen, Mr Snodgrass had taken a chair by the fire and fortified himself with a glass of Old Tom, and it was from this position that he now perused Mr Headstone’s letter. His opinion was that as an example of its kind it could – with the possible exception of spelling and punctuation –  hardly be improved upon; that the style was neither too florid – a common fault of novice authors – nor too pedestrian; that it observed the strictures of the form by stating the time and the place of the engagement without any unnecessary encumbrance; that its brevity would surely be appreciated by a man of affairs; and that, in short, it should be put before the members of the society for their delectation and approval at the earliest possible opportunity.

Containing The Transactions Of The Inaugural Meeting Of The Aforementioned Society

The reader who desires to know something of the origins of the celebrated society established to mark the two hundredth and first anniversary of the birth of the inimitable author Mr. Charles Dickens Esq. will derive no small degree of satisfaction from a perusal of the following entry in the transactions of the aforementioned association; this being a true and faithful account of the proceedings of the inaugural meeting of the same.

‘January 20. Mr. Richard Swiveller, Esq., P.V.P.M.C.D.A.S*, presiding. The following resolutions unanimously agreed to:-

‘That Mr. Bradley Headstone, Esq. is duly elected to the honorable position of General Chairman of the Society and may forthwith append the letters G.C.M.C.D.A.S † to his name on all correspondence relating to the business of the Society.

‘That the said Bradley Headstone Esq. hereby undertakes to complete his great project and to read within the space of a single calendar year the following remaining works of Mr. Charles Dickens Esq.:

David Copperfield

Bleak House

Hard Times

Little Dorrit

A Tale of Two Cities

Great Expectations

Our Mutual Friend

The Mystery of Edwin Drood

‘That the Society is deeply sensible of the advantages which must accrue to the cause of literature from the completion of the aforesaid project, and cannot but entertain a lively sense of the inestimable benefits which must inevitably result from the observations of that learned gentleman, to the advancement of knowledge, and the diffusion of learning.

‘That Mr. Augustus Snodgrass, Esq., M.C.D.A.S is duly appointed as the Society’s official historian and shall record for posterity in prose sublime the transactions of the Society, all of which shall be published for the general benefit of mankind. Furthermore, the said Augustus Snodgrass Esq. shall on occasion compose such verses as may be required by the Society for the proper execution of its celebratory proceedings.

‘That Mr. Wilkins Micawber, Esq., M.C.D.A.S is duly appointed as the Society’s Treasurer and shall be responsible for all pecuniary matters relating to the Society’s transactions.

‘That the Society hereby deplores the paucity of national events planned to commemorate the two hundredth and first anniversary of the birth of the inimitable author Mr. Charles Dickens Esq. and shall petition parliament on this burning question.

‘That the first act of the Society shall be to hold a public dinner on the seventh of February at the establishment known as The George and Vulture to celebrate the birth of Mr. Dickens, and that the author himself shall be invited to attend as guest of honour. Furthermore, it is the fervent hope of the Society that the literary gentleman can be prevailed upon to deliver a speech, or perhaps a song.’

* P.V.P.M.C.D.A.S – Perpetual Vice-President Member Charles Dickens Anniversary Society

† G.C.M.C.D.A.S – General Chairman Member Charles Dickens Anniversary Society

In Which The Two Hundredth And First Anniversary of The Inimitable Mr Dickens Is Inaugurated

Gathered again at The Saracen’s Head to bid a final farewell to the departing year, it was not unnatural that the conversation between Mr Headstone and his friends should take a nostalgic turn. Mr Guppy took the opportunity engendered by the mood of general reflection to ask Mr Headstone as to whether he had fulfilled his obligation to read the complete works of Mr Charles Dickens within the compass of a single year as a means of marking the occasion of the author’s bicentenary; to which enquiry Mr Headstone was obliged to reply in the negative. Mr Guppy then asked if there were in Mr Headstone’s favour any extenuating circumstances that had prevented him from executing his commission. The answer again was a negative. Warming to his subject, Mr Guppy rose to his feet, inserted his thumbs into the pockets of his waistcoat and asked in the rhetorical manner that is the natural mode of expression of those in the legal profession, whether the continuation of the enterprise was nothing short of wanton folly now that the aforementioned anniversary had expired. At this suggestion Mr Richard Swiveller rose from his seat and declared to the company that he for one would support Mr Headstone in his continued endeavour, the completion of which would be a fitting tribute to the Inimitable Author in this his two hundredth and first year. To this effect, Mr Swiveller immediately proposed a motion that a subscription be raised and a society be formed to inaugurate such proceedings. Mr Tappertit seconded the motion and it was carried with an almost unanimous vote – the one abstainer being Mr Guppy, who retired to sulk in a corner over a glass of shrub.