Mr. Headstone and
his two fellow tradesmen began to dig and the sound of their spades at work
echoed around the churchyard. Presently Mr. Cruncher took from the sack an
instrument like a great corkscrew, which he adjusted with a practiced hand.
Whatever tools they worked with, they worked hard, until the awful striking of
the church clock so terrified the schoolmaster that he felt the hairs on his
head and even the bristles on his chin stiffen. He seemed resolved to abandon
his new trade before he had truly begun it, and would have made off that
instant had not his companions assured him that their work was almost done. Mr.
Cruncher dropped down into the opened grave, and there was a screwing and
complaining sound down below before he again emerged. Mr. Headstone took hold
of a length of rope proffered to him, and all three tradesmen pulled.
By slow degrees a great weight broke away
from the earth upon it, and came to the surface. Mr. Headstone very well knew
what it would be; but, when he saw it, and saw Mr. Cruncher about to wrench it
open, he was so frightened, being new to the sight, that his other companion
was obliged to stop his mouth with a quantity of hessian to prevent his cries
from alerting the sexton. The coffin was propped up against the marble stone in
order that Mr. Cruncher could apply his crowbar. This he did with little
ceremony and to the sound of splintering mahogany he forced open the casket’s
heavy lid to reveal the tenant within.
Imagine Mr. Headstone’s surprise when, compelled
by the strangeness of the circumstance to look upon the unfortunate subject of
their labours, he recognised the features to be those of none other than the
late Mr. Merdle. As the departed are beyond the approbation of Society, Mr.
Headstone reasoned that no introductions were necessary, and so he assisted his
companions in removing the gentleman from his state of repose and wrapping him
in a winding sheet. Thus concealed, the body was transported to the gate and by
means of an ingenious system of pulleys hauled over to the other side. The
whole operation was greatly facilitated by the fact that the rigors of death
had taken full effect, and their burden was as easy to carry as a length
of timber.
Before delivering their prize up to two
young medical men, who were desirous of such specimens for the furthering of
their education, the three honest tradesmen went through the corpse’s pockets,
and were rewarded with the discovery of a gold watch, a silver snuff box, and other
sundry items. These spoils were divided up, and Mr. Headstone received as his
share a tortoise shell-handled penknife, which, he reflected, as he walked home
in the early morning light, was a remarkable instance of poetic justice.
