It having been decided by both democratic and pugilistic means that a gathering of the members of the 'Prentice Knights and the Glorious Apollos should be held to commemorate the memory of the late Mr Bradley Headstone, a committee was at once assembled in order to determine by what means and to what degree and under whose authority the project could proceed. It has been said that a rash decision is invariably a foolish one, and - if this adage is true - then no committee can ever be accused of doltishness.
The first matter of business was to elect a chair, but before this could be resolved to the satisfaction of the convocation, it was necessary to agree on a method for casting the vote. A show of hands was considered too plebeian and threatened to compromise the opinions of the weak by placing them under the disapproving gaze of the strong. A secret ballot was Machiavellian and unpatriotic, and furthermore favoured those who practised the art of penmanship. A round of huzzahs was an imprecise measure of popularity and gave baritones an unfair advantage over trebles. The committee was soon divided into three factions, and their numbers seeming to be perfectly equal, there was little likelihood of an early resolution.
It transpired, however, that Mr Swiveller had not made up his mind, having been precoccupied with carving his initials into the table top during the length of the debate. It thus fell upon him to show his colours, which he did with much hesitation amidst jeers of derision and cheers of encouragement; and having settled upon the Huzzahs, who now formed a majority, he was promptly elected to the chair, and the true business of the committee was allowed to begin.
Mr Charles Dickens
