The first order of business of the committee amalgamated from representatives of The 'Prentice Knights and The Glorious Apollos was to select a name for the newly formed society dedicated to the memory of Mr Bradley Headstone. Someone suggested 'The Society Dedicated To The Memory Of Mr Bradley Headstone', but this was objected to on grounds of length. When its supporters proposed the acrostic SDMMBH as an alternative, this was objected to on grounds of obscurity. Mr Tappertit tabled a motion that the name should reflect the patriotic fervour of the times; which suggestion was greeted with unanimous applause and cheers, and led to calls from the floor for a toast to the monarch, which required the charging of glasses and the singing of the national anthem, which demanded that every member get to his feet, which naturally occasioned considerable disruption to the smooth running of the inaugural meeting.
At length, when every flask had been drained of its last drop and the voices of the assembled committee were too hoarse to raise any further objections, it was agreed that the society should adopt the name of The United Bulldogs, and furthermore that special dispensation be granted to every member to exercise the right to refer to the association as The United Bs should the need for either secrecy or brevity require it.
The next order of business was to establish the route of the proposed march through the city, which would enable the Bulldogs to visit as many as possible of the public houses that Mr Headstone had been wont to frequent. The number being a high one, it proved difficult for the assembled company to reach an agreement; particularly as their judgement - which, even at the best of times, was never very sound - had been considerably impaired by the three hogsheads of wine they had collectively imbibed. As it was getting late and several members were already dozing under the influence of Bacchus (thus rendering their votes invalid), it was agreed that The United Bulldogs should reconvene on the morrow at The Saracen's Head, and from that spot determine their next steps. With which resolution, Mr Swiveller declared the meeting at an end; whereupon he lowered his head upon the table top, and fell into a deep sleep from which he refused to be roused until morning.
Mr Charles Dickens
