When a gentleman’s complexion grows paler than a sheet of
freshly laundered linen, then it is common practice to stimulate the flow of
blood to those areas which - when rosy - are taken to be an outward indication
of rude health. Mrs Gamp’s preferred method for achieving this end was to apply
the flat and the back of her palm in a vigorous fanning motion about the face
of the patient, which operation was invariably guaranteed to bring the colour back
to the cheeks as swiftly as could be desired. The gin bottle now being empty, the
nurse lost no time in demonstrating the efficacy of this remedy by advancing on
Mr Headstone, grasping him by his buttonhole, and beating him about the
head in the aforementioned manner.
Having been restored to his former self by the application
of a dozen blows, Mr Headstone staggered back into a chair, the better to compose himself. Around him gathered
an assembly of his friends and acquaintances, all eager to know what had
precipitated his sudden expression of alarm at the mention of Mr Charles Dickens,
and all urging the pedagogue to unburden himself of his secret for - as Mr Winkle
remarked - a problem shared was a problem halved; or, in the case of the
present company, divided into equal portions of one seventeenths. Subdued by the
irrefutable argument of mathematics, Mr Headstone surveyed the expectant faces looming
before him, and, in a manner that was not entirely consistent with logic or
intelligibility, explained his predicament.
