In keeping with the custom of other establishments of public accommodation, the metropolitan police station at Mutton Hill was pleased to offer its guests a complimentary breakfast as part of its service of hospitality. This meal, which consisted of a bowl of thin gruel and a raw onion, was administered by an obstreperous cook on the admirably democratic basis of "first come, first served"; and, as the quantity of victuals was never equal to the number of mouths to be fed, it was invariably the case that some had their fill and some went without - a state of affairs which any parliamentary reporter will observe is, indeed, a common feature of democracies.
Mr Headstone, being unfamiliar with the customs of the place, was disappointed to be given a very shallow serving of gruel in a greasy bowl and was further surprised that, when he asked for more, the cook aimed a blow at his head with the ladle and shrieked aloud for the jailer. Receiving the blow on that same spot favoured by Mr Sikes's crowbar, the pedagogue found that the condition of his mental faculties did not improve withal, and that the application of another metal object to the exterior of his skull was a retrograde step in his convalescence.
Answering the cook's summons, the jailer appeared, and, taking Mr Headstone roughly by the collar, marched him out of the cell, up the stairs and into the magistrate's office - this method of locomotion being much favoured by representatives of the law. The office was a front parlour, with a panelled wall, and, at the upper end of it behind a bar sat the imposing figure of Mr Fang, a lean, long-backed, stiff-necked, middle-sized gentleman with a stern and much flushed face. Having taken up a position in a wooden pen opposite the bench, Mr Headstone was sworn in, and asked by the magistrate to give an account of himself and his actions of the night before, which the pedagogue did; and the account being a true representation of the events previously described, it will not surprise the reader to learn that Mr Fang charged the unfortunate school master with attempted housebreaking, and committed him to three months of hard labour.
Mr Charles Dickens
